My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So apparently I’m into choking now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
