She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize