just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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