Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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