I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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