Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
