I love black thongs
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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