I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Panties = found
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
