She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
