he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
