If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
pray to the hookup gods
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
