i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
