Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
