bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
