I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
