I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
