Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
