Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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