Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
