Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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