I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
