Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
