This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
