I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this beer tastes like vomit already
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize