Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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