the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
