What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize