it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
