So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We talked him into tasing himself.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Im part way to drunk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
