I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
