Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
