just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
