Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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