I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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