He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
