Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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