She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
