I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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