It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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