somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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