the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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