this beer tastes like vomit already
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
