1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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