I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
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I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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