Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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