shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
