Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
