I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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