Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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