I wanna bring you to show and tell
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
