the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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