omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
