Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
