Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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