there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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