I seem to have left my pride at pride
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
