i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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