I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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