too bad you live with your parents still
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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