i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
