The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am one with the molecules
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
