fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
